Day 31: The Results

I woke up about three times last night, anxious about Results Day. There's something really huge about making this kind of thing public. If it was just me, I could suffer my disappointment or joy in private; but I feel a hundred eyes on me as if to say, "prove to me that what you're doing is worth it. Make us believe that making these sacrifices hasn't been for nothing." In a way, I feel that if my progress hasn't been substantial, I'm letting down myself and my family as well as a hundred people on facebook. 

In the end, that really doesn't matter.

In the end, it really is just me; because in the end, I'm the only one it really affects.

At around 7:30 this morning I got up to face that scale and that tape measure. 

Suddenly, I felt bigger. I felt heavier. Suddenly, my clothes didn't actually fit any better. The swelling in my legs wasn't actually gone. All those improvements I had been noticing lately were just not there anymore. I took a deep breath. I recognized this as a kind of defense mechanism; if I didn't let myself believe that the Whole30 was working, I wouldn't be so disappointed if that number is the same as, or higher than, it was 37 days ago. I needed to take a step back and refocus. So before I stepped on the thing that was going to determine my success, I took another deep breath and wrote down every single non-scale victory (settle in; this is a HUGE list):

Less breakouts

Less rashes

Stronger nails

Stronger hair

Flatter stomach

Clothes fit better

Less bloating

Less joint swelling

Feeling more confident, physically

Less painful, stiff joints

Fewer and less severe PMS symptoms

A regular monthly cycle

Increased libido

Less stomach pain

Less gas

Better regularity

Zero seasonal allergies

Zero heartburn

Less chronic fatigue

Improved circulation

Less back pain

Faster recovery from illness

Happier

Optimistic

More patient with Baby E and others

Fewer mood swings

Fewer cravings for sugar and carbs

Feeling in control of food

Improved self-esteem

Less reliant on the scale

Improving memory

Higher productivity

Improved quality of sleep

Increased energy

No need for afternoon nap most days

No longer feel the need to snack

Fewer feelings of being "hangry"

No longer need caffeine to boost energy levels between meals

More consistent exercise

Better balance

Desire to be outside more

Healthier relationship with food

Better mindful eating

Better at reading food labels

Improved ability to listen to my body

No longer afraid of dietary fat

Increased ability to cook

Don't use food for comfort, reward, punishment, or stress management

No longer a slave to sugar and carbs

Can tell the difference between hunger and cravings

More variety in my diet

No more food side effects

No more food guilt or shame

No more bingeing

Better liftstyle habits to pass onto my family

Improved knowledge about nutrition

Started creating other health goals

Making this list helped me to understand that weight loss was only a small part of why I started this journey in the first place. I mean, just look at all those things that have improved because of my food choices! Those are things I never want to give up for cupcakes and breadsticks. 

Before I get to the actual results, let me torture you with a few more paragraphs of thought: 

Last night as I was unpacking my groceries, I caught a glimpse of a Larabar that I had purchased at Sprouts. Larabars are usually what I keep in my diaper bag in case of food emergencies; like if I get really hungry without access to compliant food or if I'm with friends who are eating treats, I'll reach for a Larabar instead of sneaking something they're eating. They're not meant to satisfy sugar cravings. Last night, though, I caught myself thinking, "I have worked so hard these last 6 weeks. I deserve a treat. . . "

So there are a few things wrong with this mentality, but what trumps it all is that part of the reason I started the Whole30 in the first place was to detach from rewarding myself with food. In that one thought I proved that I still have a ways to go. I've spent 34 years having an unhealthy relationship with food; it isn't going to vanish in 30 days.

So I'm going to continue until this is a Whole60. . . or maybe until this turns into the Whole90. I'm not really sure. I'll keep blogging, I'll keep cooking, I'll keep striving for healthier choices. Every 30 days I'll post my progress and when I feel ready, I'll start the Reintroduction Phase of the program. 

So back to that scale and what happened afterwards:

MY RESULTS

Beginning Weight: (A number. Not a small one.)

Ending Weight: (Another number. Not small, but definitely smaller than the first one.)

Weight lost: 15.6lbs. 

I've also lost 2.5 inches from my stomach, and nearly two inches from my hips and thighs.

I am SO PROUD of my progress. Even if I had lost NOTHING, I'd still be proud of what I've accomplished. If any one of you wants to get on this bandwagon with me, please do. I invite anyone anywhere who has read these posts and who wants to become healthier and happier to come with me. If you see something on that list above that you desire in your lives, this is seriously worth every. single. tough rule. I feel so incredibly free and it's only going to get better. This program claims to be life-changing, and I am proof positive of that.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with spinach and bacon

Lunch: Chicken BLT club "sandwich"

Dinner: Classic Chili