That Time I Took a Vacation

Just in case you were wondering, yes, I'm still here. Yes, I'm continuing with the Whole30 program. I feel so darn good I can't bring myself to stop just yet. I'm so friggin' dedicated that I decided to keep it up while I went on a spontaneous 10-day vacation to St. George, Utah for a family reunion this past week.

And it was hard.

SO. DAMN. HARD.

If you have any desire to start your own Whole30, and I really hope you do, please, for the love of all that is good in this world, DO NOT START ON WHILE YOU ARE ON VACATION. I hit this vacay after being W30 compliant for nearly two months and it was still so freaking difficult.

But it's possible.

I wasn't perfect. I ate a couple of run-of-the-mill, preservative-filled hotdogs, some non-compliant dressing, 3 fast food french fries, and a half bite of a pretzel (checking my daughter's snacks for varying degrees of staleness). I'm also pretty sure the bun-less Wendy's burger I scarfed down while chasing a hyper Miss E around a gift shop had some ketchup on it, too. But hey, I made the best choices based on what was available to me, and I learned a whole heck of a lot.

As I mentioned above, this was a pretty spontaneous vacation. I decided on a Friday that I was going to set out on the following Sunday to be to the family reunion by Tuesday. That meant I had all day Saturday to pack and get ready for the two-day drive. I spent almost four hours in the kitchen on Saturday making deviled eggs, pico, homemade guac, chicken salad, boiled eggs, and various on-plan snacks. I had a cooler of food and a bag of produce waiting to be used when I got to my destination so that I had stuff available to make compliant dinners (also I just spent money on a weeks worth of groceries. . . I was not about to let that go to waste!).

It started out great. Even Miss Toddler Pants did well in the car for the first leg of the trip. We stopped at our halfway point and ate my prepared lunch and gave her a chance to run around and get some wiggles out before setting out again. I felt super-confident and fast-food-free. It was great.

Then came leg #2. . . I met my sister-in-law in Denver on Sunday night. We packed up and set out Monday morning. It was us two adults, four little kiddos (two of which were 19 months old), and a crap ton of stuff all crammed into one SUV. It should have taken us about 10 hours to get from Denver to St. George. . . . it took us almost 14. That is a LONG day. We had so many delays and rough moments that by the time we pulled up to the house we were staying at, I nearly cried. If it's at all possible to get PTSD from a road trip with four kids, I definitely had it. It took every ounce of self control for me to not run out and grab a Snickers. I'm pretty sure I could have benefited from the mood-boosting effects that the commercials so prominently promise.

I'm usually excited to make my Whole30 meals, but while in St. George, sharing a house with multiple people, I felt terribly isolated. Making each meal was complicated and took twice as long as everyone else's food took. While others were enjoying hot dogs and frozen pizza, sandwiches and yogurt, I was making garlic shrimp over zucchini noodles with chimichuri sauce and chicken chowder. So great was the lonely feeling that eating what I made almost made me feel nauseated. I was angry and bitter. I had forgotten how long everything in my Whole30 menu took to prepare. I felt that I was missing out on so much family time because I was stuck in the kitchen.

What was happening? What about this had gone so terribly wrong that instead of enjoying the sacrifices, I was starting to get terribly frustrated by the whole program?

It took a few days, but I realized that the cause of my angst wasn't really the program. I was free to start incorporating things into my diet at any time. The problem was my attitude about my situation. There wasn't anyone there to applaud my choices or ooh and ahh over my cooking. It was just me. I was in this terribly-confusing limbo between giving into the vacation mentality of "no calories count" or stick to it and feel good about what I was putting in my body.

Once I made the decision, my week completely changed. I easily refused the cookies and Rice Crispy treats and homemade breads that I was offered. I found that I didn't mind being in the kitchen again chopping vegetables and preparing meals. I found that I could enjoy the company of other people rather than waste energy being all ticked off at nothing at all. I found that I still really enjoyed putting healthy things into my body even without the accolades that I had come to depend on.

I'm back home now and even more excited to continue this journey towards becoming my whole self. Being on vacation had proven to be the most challenging of the temptations I've faced, but above all else, it helped me to see that I can apply this to "real life" and come out the other side all the better for it. It's an empowering feeling.


A sample of what I ate:

Road trip food: "Protein Salad". Rotisserie chicken, homemade mayo, grapes, diced celery.

Road trip food: Deviled eggs

Farewell dinner: Garlic and thyme steaks. SO GOOD.

Tonight's dinner: Rosemary chicken meat balls on a bed of zucchini "noodles", topped with homemade pesto. Not gross, people. Not gross at all. 

Day 32: Onward and Upward

I am overwhelmed by the support and encouragement I've received from the readers of this blog. I'm humbled by those who have reached out with words of kindness and by those who just take time out of their busy days to read these posts every day. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This would have been so much more difficult without your support and positive thoughts. It was a truly an unexpected surprise to get the positive feedback that I did. I was even more surprised by suggestions that I keep blogging. I must be doing something right if you all aren't totally bored by now.

So, I'm moving forward with my Whole30 goals still in mind. I'm a little bit stunned at how much this program has changed the way I respond to food. I'm thrilled to discover that it's not just willpower that is helping me to refrain from things that I know are inflammatory; these little routines are starting to solidify into habits. I'm seeing even more clearly the wisdom in giving those foods up cold turkey. The first ten miserable days seem a small sacrifice in order to produce a lifetime of healthy habits.

Today went on as usual. There's something completely comfortable about that. I don't have to think much about what I'm doing anymore in terms of compliant ingredients. I can't tell you how amazing that feels. I'm aware of the danger that might cause; I certainly don't want to get lax about the rules going forward into the next 30 days, but I know I can rely on the same base ingredient lists without worrying too much about it.

I'm trying (again) to refocus on other healthy habits in my life. I'm going to focus on increasing exercise during this second W30. It's the next logical thing for me. The unfortunate part is that with summer bringing a groggy heat, I'm going to have to get creative.

Don't even mention yoga. This chick is not a fan of yoga.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Sauteed cabbage and sausage topped with poached eggs

Lunch: Leftover chicken breast over greens with a creamy balsamic vinaigrette

Dinner: Classic Chili

Day 31: The Results

I woke up about three times last night, anxious about Results Day. There's something really huge about making this kind of thing public. If it was just me, I could suffer my disappointment or joy in private; but I feel a hundred eyes on me as if to say, "prove to me that what you're doing is worth it. Make us believe that making these sacrifices hasn't been for nothing." In a way, I feel that if my progress hasn't been substantial, I'm letting down myself and my family as well as a hundred people on facebook. 

In the end, that really doesn't matter.

In the end, it really is just me; because in the end, I'm the only one it really affects.

At around 7:30 this morning I got up to face that scale and that tape measure. 

Suddenly, I felt bigger. I felt heavier. Suddenly, my clothes didn't actually fit any better. The swelling in my legs wasn't actually gone. All those improvements I had been noticing lately were just not there anymore. I took a deep breath. I recognized this as a kind of defense mechanism; if I didn't let myself believe that the Whole30 was working, I wouldn't be so disappointed if that number is the same as, or higher than, it was 37 days ago. I needed to take a step back and refocus. So before I stepped on the thing that was going to determine my success, I took another deep breath and wrote down every single non-scale victory (settle in; this is a HUGE list):

Less breakouts

Less rashes

Stronger nails

Stronger hair

Flatter stomach

Clothes fit better

Less bloating

Less joint swelling

Feeling more confident, physically

Less painful, stiff joints

Fewer and less severe PMS symptoms

A regular monthly cycle

Increased libido

Less stomach pain

Less gas

Better regularity

Zero seasonal allergies

Zero heartburn

Less chronic fatigue

Improved circulation

Less back pain

Faster recovery from illness

Happier

Optimistic

More patient with Baby E and others

Fewer mood swings

Fewer cravings for sugar and carbs

Feeling in control of food

Improved self-esteem

Less reliant on the scale

Improving memory

Higher productivity

Improved quality of sleep

Increased energy

No need for afternoon nap most days

No longer feel the need to snack

Fewer feelings of being "hangry"

No longer need caffeine to boost energy levels between meals

More consistent exercise

Better balance

Desire to be outside more

Healthier relationship with food

Better mindful eating

Better at reading food labels

Improved ability to listen to my body

No longer afraid of dietary fat

Increased ability to cook

Don't use food for comfort, reward, punishment, or stress management

No longer a slave to sugar and carbs

Can tell the difference between hunger and cravings

More variety in my diet

No more food side effects

No more food guilt or shame

No more bingeing

Better liftstyle habits to pass onto my family

Improved knowledge about nutrition

Started creating other health goals

Making this list helped me to understand that weight loss was only a small part of why I started this journey in the first place. I mean, just look at all those things that have improved because of my food choices! Those are things I never want to give up for cupcakes and breadsticks. 

Before I get to the actual results, let me torture you with a few more paragraphs of thought: 

Last night as I was unpacking my groceries, I caught a glimpse of a Larabar that I had purchased at Sprouts. Larabars are usually what I keep in my diaper bag in case of food emergencies; like if I get really hungry without access to compliant food or if I'm with friends who are eating treats, I'll reach for a Larabar instead of sneaking something they're eating. They're not meant to satisfy sugar cravings. Last night, though, I caught myself thinking, "I have worked so hard these last 6 weeks. I deserve a treat. . . "

So there are a few things wrong with this mentality, but what trumps it all is that part of the reason I started the Whole30 in the first place was to detach from rewarding myself with food. In that one thought I proved that I still have a ways to go. I've spent 34 years having an unhealthy relationship with food; it isn't going to vanish in 30 days.

So I'm going to continue until this is a Whole60. . . or maybe until this turns into the Whole90. I'm not really sure. I'll keep blogging, I'll keep cooking, I'll keep striving for healthier choices. Every 30 days I'll post my progress and when I feel ready, I'll start the Reintroduction Phase of the program. 

So back to that scale and what happened afterwards:

MY RESULTS

Beginning Weight: (A number. Not a small one.)

Ending Weight: (Another number. Not small, but definitely smaller than the first one.)

Weight lost: 15.6lbs. 

I've also lost 2.5 inches from my stomach, and nearly two inches from my hips and thighs.

I am SO PROUD of my progress. Even if I had lost NOTHING, I'd still be proud of what I've accomplished. If any one of you wants to get on this bandwagon with me, please do. I invite anyone anywhere who has read these posts and who wants to become healthier and happier to come with me. If you see something on that list above that you desire in your lives, this is seriously worth every. single. tough rule. I feel so incredibly free and it's only going to get better. This program claims to be life-changing, and I am proof positive of that.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with spinach and bacon

Lunch: Chicken BLT club "sandwich"

Dinner: Classic Chili

Round 2, Day 30: I MADE IT!!

It's my last day. PHEW!! (Before you get too excited, the results day isn't until tomorrow. Be patient, people). What an empowering feeling to be able to say that I completed this journey and stuck to the guidelines almost perfectly (I say "almost" because the program outlines include getting meat from reliable/non-cruelty/organic sources and that was hit or miss for me. But it's a "wobbly" rule, so I'm OK with it). I have to say that the first couple of weeks were so difficult, but after that, things got easier. I still almost want junk foods when I see them, but it's fleeting and easy to bypass. I have almost no cravings on a regular basis. There's an occasional fluke where I get a hankering for something, but it's generally short-lived and I feel perfectly OK without it. It's kind of awesome.

Today I sat down to plan meals for the next week. The Toddler was down for a nap, the binge-watching of "Chopped" had started; I was in my happy place. It dawned on me that since my Whole30 had come to an end, I could technically include some foods as outlined in the Reintroduction Phase of W30. Technically. It was a strange feeling knowing that I would be allowed to stray from the foods I had so carefully planned my life around for the past 6 weeks.

I had a meal planned for my last dinner on the Whole30, but it just wasn't meant to be. There was a tornado warning while we were on our way to Sprouts to get the remaining groceries for the week. Reluctantly, we turned around and spent some time watching the weather on my laptop from the basement. Once the sirens stopped and the tornado warnings were over, we packed up again and headed back to the store. It had been a rather exhausting day as it was; if there was ever a time I craved a pizza or instant food from the store, it was today. But I didn't work this hard for this long for nothing. We grabbed an unseasoned rotisserie chicken from Sprouts and once I got home, I roasted a sweet potato and topped it with leftover curry sauce from last night. My version of a quick meal. It was so much better than pizza.

I have such an odd excited/anxious feeling every time I think about results day tomorrow. It's a strange butterflies feeling. There is so much tangled up in the number on that scale. I'm thrilled to see that part of my results; I'm terrified that it won't be what I expect. Removing expectations is almost impossible in cases such as these. I almost can't wait until it's all over.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Leftover sweet potato/carrot/kale hash and chicken in curry sauce

Lunch: Celery and almond butter, fruit, hard boiled eggs

Dinner: Rotisserie chicken, sweet potatoes in curry sauce (we have a lot of that leftover)

Round 2, Day 29: Behold! The Bacon

Day 30 is tomorrow. That's a little surreal to think about right now. I lost track and stopped really counting around Day 20. This blog is the only reason I am reminded of what day I'm on. I'm getting more and more excited to announce my final results; but with that built-up excitement could come a heavy disappointment if things aren't what I hope they will be. The list of non-scale victories is long, and I have come to appreciate each one of them. That being said, my previous bad habit of weighing myself daily is a hard one to kick. I hadn't given it a second thought since the first week was over, but now that the final days on the program are here, I'm a little nervous.

Since I am feeling more comfortable with my steadily-improving healthy food habits, the next natural step is to work on other unhealthy habits in my life. The problem is there are SO MANY to choose from. . . I watch too much TV, my house isn't cleaned often enough, I'm on my phone too much, I have a hard time keeping in touch with people in my life. . . the list goes on. I've decided to pick just one and work on that one thing for the month of July. It's amazing how one healthy habit breeds a desire for more. This is going to bring my closer to becoming the best version of me.

In other news, I FOUND THE BACON. I have been on the lookout for W30-compliant bacon for almost a month now. I had heard that there wasn't any to be found except online. Imagine my surprise when, while browsing the meat section at Sprouts with my mother, we stumbled upon a completely sugar-free, nitrite-free bacon. So, first I have to be completely honest here and tell you that I am not really the biggest fan of bacon. I honestly didn't miss it much when I couldn't have it. Still, there were recipes that called for it and I missed the occasional bacon and eggs for breakfast, so I was pretty dang excited to make it for breakfast this morning. In a terrible twist of irony, we ran out of eggs yesterday. Boo. But I made the bacon anyway and improv'd my way through breakfast. It was delicious. I can't wait to get more and incorporate it into future meals. I may be a believer in bacon after all.

PS-In case you're curious, the brand is Pederson's. If you are on or are starting your own Whole 30, go and get some. It's incredible.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Carrot, sweet potato, and spinach hash topped with baaaaconnnn. Yummy.

Lunch: Um. . . miscellaneous? It was a confusing time in my day. . . 

Dinner: Baked chicken with curry sauce, salad with homemade balsamic vinaigrette

Round 2, Day 28: How I Survived the Fourth

Before I get to the fun festivities, I wanted to open up about some thoughts that have been brewing today.

Somewhere in the middle of the new recipes and the failed mayo and the fighting cravings and the "Kill All the Things" days, my attitude around food has changed. I wasn't absolutely ignorant of this shift, but I certainly didn't realize the extent of it until recent conversations with people regarding the W30 and its strict outline. I'm used to the comments like, "Oh, I could never do that", and "What's wrong with a little sugar now and then?" and "Live without _______ (cheese, bread, sugar, etc.)? No thanks." It's OK. I get it. I've said each of those and more. Trust me, I understand. Not everyone is ready for this thing, and it might not really be for everyone. It took me a while to wrap my brain around it and get prepared enough to start. I realize now, in retrospect, that these are the comments that proved that I really did have a problem surrounding food. I was completely ignorant of how much my life revolved around eating all the bad things in order to make myself feel better. Food still makes me happy, but in a much, much healthier way. It's a liberating feeling.

So here it is; Independence Day. The day we celebrate this nation's freedom. This celebration usually starts (or ends) with hot dogs, soda, and potato chips. And sometimes cake. Ohhhh the sugar comas that follow this day every year. So many holidays revolve around food, specifically of the junk variety. This one is very mild in terms of threatening carbohydrates and high fructose corn syrup. Still, temptations abound. It's good to have a battle plan.

My mom has been eating in a very similar manner to the Whole30 for almost 3 months now. This means not only have I had a bit of conditioning when searching for healthy recipes, but I have somewhat of a partner in this journey. This is good for so many reasons, but mostly because I have an ally during holidays like this one. Together, my mom and I assembled a menu that satisfied everyone's palate without breaking any W30 rules.

Seriously, people, this was the best July 4th dinner in history.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs over greens and a side of watermelon

Lunch: Egg salad (with homemade mayo and chives) in tomato boats

They were so cute and surprisingly delicious. I couldn't help but snap a picture.

Dinner: Burgers on portabella mushroom "buns" with homemade herb mayo, sweet potato fries, homemade garlic aoli for dipping

Burgers and fries. Look familiar? Well, That's because
you've seen it before and it's still amazing. Add those
aolis and I was in heaven.

No soda here. Just sparkling water with lemon and basil.
Refreshing without all the sugar. YUMMY.

Round 2, Day 27: I Made That Up

I have another awkward confession for you, Audience: I have a serious addiction to Food Network's show "Chopped". You know the one, right? Professional chefs compete against each other using very specific and sometimes odd ingredients from the Chopped infamous "basket". I'm a little obsessed with the idea of being able to get a group of edible items together and create something amazing. I haven't branched into that kind of cooking yet. I feel too intimidated to do so. So far my skills have been limited to the duplication of someone else's creativity. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally OK with that because they've been AMAZING so far, but I still aspire to have the talents necessary to put together meals and menus based on my own brain power. Thus far I have lacked sufficient courage to do so. 

Tonight I was presented with my first opportunity to try it out. 

I was at my parents' house this evening and was invited to cook again, but this time I didn't have a planned recipe nor the proper ingredients for one. I searched the kitchen for a protein on which to base our meal. There were four pork chops, but five adults to feed. Not only did I have to concoct some kind of edible dish, I had to figure out a way to make this meat stretch without adding in rice or pasta. I gathered ingredients I thought might taste good together, took a deep breath, and went to work. I have to admit that I was a little nervous but also really energized about it (like the food nerd I am). My end result wasn't half bad. It wasn't complex, but it was edible. Tasty, even. This isn't something I could have done a month ago with as much success. Much less be able to do it in a healthy way. 

That's another smiley-face sticker for my "Yay" chart. 

What I ate:

Breakfast: Leftover salmon over wilted greens, topped with hollandaise.

Lunch: Leftover Chicken Chowder

Dinner: Warm potato, apple, and kale slaw topped with cubed pork chop and a poached egg

Round 2, Day 26: Bravery and Hollandaise

One day closer to the end of my very first Whole30. I am planning my attack for the "reintroduction phase" after Day 30 is over. That phase is included in the program so that there isn't a sugar fest on Day 31. I have every desire to continue to make future food decisions based on knowledge and not emotions. I have learned an incredible amount in the last 32 days. I feel more prepared to tackle health claims spouted by the media, I'm more interested in the content of a meal and making sure it is complete and healthy, and I've become much more product savvy. I feel armed and ready to step outside of my W30 guidelines. I'm actually getting excited about it rather than being fearful as I had been before. Hopefully I'll be completely prepared in four days.

It's nearing the end of the month and our initial grocery budget has basically run out. It's been interesting to see what I can throw together for meals every day based on what little we have in our fridge. It takes creativity, that's for sure. There are few out there who would dispute that eating healthier is more expensive than eating processed foods, but in our house, it's been a little more than marginal. I'm actually surprised at this. And a little relieved. We don't go out to eat nearly as often as we had before, and that really helps. Since this new way of eating is something we plan on continuing as a family, we've had to make some financial adjustments. It is so worth it!

In other news, today I made hollandaise. HOLLANDAISE. Honestly, it's not that hard to make, it's just been an intimidating prospect for me until recently. It's been one of those things I admired other foodies for making and never thought I'd be successful. But lo and behold, I succeeded. It was so good, too. I feel so brave. Observe:

What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs over wilted greens with carrot fries

Lunch: Leftover chicken chowder

Dinner: Seared salmon over greens topped with a poached eggs and homemade hollandaise.

PS: Quick poll: Anyone want recipes of things I make?

Round 2, Days 24 & 25: Chicka Da Chowdah

I went to Book Club last night. I love you, friends, but Book Club beats out blog writing any day. And that's because my book club friends are wonderful and awesome and so freaking HILARIOUS. It was such a great night out. Much needed after several exhausting days. We did have healthy snacks there (Mom hosted so I helped to plan the refreshments. PHEW! Crisis averted) so that was good.

Here's our (poorly-lit) spread. Jicama and apples with sunshine sauce, Sweet potato fries with avocado lime aoli and homemade ranch  for dipping. No one was mad. Because it was delicious.

My clothes are starting to fit better. I think that's been happening for a while, but I've been too nervous to admit that maybe this thing is working in more ways than one. At first I thought that I just needed to do laundry because things were getting stretched out on me. Who knows at this point? I guess we'll see in 5 days. . . Either way, there are so many positive changes I've noticed in myself that have made this program worth sticking to. I've stuck to this thing TO THE LETTER for 25 days now. It feels great to have accomplished that. I'll save the list of (sometimes weird) improvements from this W30 experience for Day 31. Trust me, it's long.

I was a lone wolf for dinner tonight since the spouse had to work late. Luckily for me, my mom decided to invite me over to cook. Yes, please! I made a big pot of Chicken Chowder. HOLY. MOSES. It did not suck. I don't even think anyone minded that we were eating hot chowder in July. The flavors were incredible. I can't wait to make that one again. It was also really good to get out and cook for other people. If you've been following along with me for the past 4 weeks, this won't come as a surprise to you. I'm seriously considering cooking for other people for a living. I get such a kick out of it. Anyone out there want to pay me to come cook for you? Cuz I will totally do it. I'm shocked at how much I still enjoy being in the kitchen. It's the most peaceful part of my day (most of the time) and I'm thankful for my husband who takes Baby E for walks at night just so I can cook dinner. 

Short and sweet blog tonight. 

You're welcome. 

What I ate:

Breakfast: Fried eggs over greens and roasted carrots (SO easy and so delicious. The perfect breakfast "fries")

Lunch: Hard boiled eggs and celery with almond butter and raisins. (I didn't call it "ants on a log" because I want to feel older than 4.)

Dinner: Chicken Chowder