Results #2 and the Beginning of Reintroduction

Yes, I'm still here. Yes, I'm still on the program. My lack of blogs is all Blogger's fault. We got into a fight a few weeks ago and I've been giving it the silent treatment ever since. I typed up this beautiful post complete with pictures and recipes and poignant paragraphs. . . I almost teared up, it was so moving (OK, that part I might be exaggerating, but still, RECIPES! That took forever!). When I hit "Publish" the whole stupid site shut down and my entire blog was lost in Cyberland. I was furious. I tried everything I knew how to bring that post back; neither of them worked. I had to walk away before I chucked my laptop into the garbage disposal.

So here I am again. Blogger and I have put aside our differences and our rough patch and have decided to continue moving forward in an upward direction.  

I succeeded in completing 60 days on the Whole30 program. I weighed in on Day 60 and had lost another 9lbs, bringing my grand total to just under 25lbs. It's a good start. I have a long way to go, but it's working and that is wonderful.

I figured out why the Reintroduction Phase scared me so badly; I thought that getting off the Whole30 would mean that I HAD to eat all the things I used to. For some reason, I couldn't let go of the idea that leaving the Whole30 meant leaving everything I had learned and attained and worked for behind in a very sad, dramatic way. Like my W30 skills and I are in a best-friend-moving-away, hand-on-the-back-car-window scene in a sappy movie. Silly, Steph. That wasn't the case at all. In the program, there are two different ways to reintroduce foods into your diet: The Fast Track, which is a set schedule on what to introduce and when; and the Slow Track, which is, essentially, "stick to the W30 as closely as possible and take food temptations as they come". With either choice, after eating something not on plan, you are to go back to compliant eating for three days and note changes in how you feel. It is important on the Slow Track to only pick one thing at a time. So if you go to a baby shower, for example, and there are mini muffins that you've been eyeing, but also a delicious looking cake, it is important to select only one off-plan item so that you will be able to identify which foods cause any negative side effects.

My first few reintroduction experiences were a little rocky; I wasn't very specific and added too many things at once. I didn't really follow the rules. Eventually, I got it down a little better. So far I've eaten white bread, a little bit of dairy, and a dessert at a recent friends gathering. The negative side effects were evident with the bread and the dessert almost immediately. I felt bloated and foggy and the next day (in both cases) I had really, really sore joints. The inflammation in my body came back almost immediately. 

A few days back on plan cured that pretty quick and I have decided that added sugars and gluten just don't agree with me one bit. For me, it's not worth the tiny bit of satisfaction that I got from indulging. 

There was one very specific advantage that I got out of doing this program that is really exciting, aside from the weight loss and the long list of improvements, but that is for another entry. I'm tired and have babbled on long enough. 

Sorry for the lack of recipes and pictures. It's just too soon. . . too soon.

That Time I Took a Vacation

Just in case you were wondering, yes, I'm still here. Yes, I'm continuing with the Whole30 program. I feel so darn good I can't bring myself to stop just yet. I'm so friggin' dedicated that I decided to keep it up while I went on a spontaneous 10-day vacation to St. George, Utah for a family reunion this past week.

And it was hard.

SO. DAMN. HARD.

If you have any desire to start your own Whole30, and I really hope you do, please, for the love of all that is good in this world, DO NOT START ON WHILE YOU ARE ON VACATION. I hit this vacay after being W30 compliant for nearly two months and it was still so freaking difficult.

But it's possible.

I wasn't perfect. I ate a couple of run-of-the-mill, preservative-filled hotdogs, some non-compliant dressing, 3 fast food french fries, and a half bite of a pretzel (checking my daughter's snacks for varying degrees of staleness). I'm also pretty sure the bun-less Wendy's burger I scarfed down while chasing a hyper Miss E around a gift shop had some ketchup on it, too. But hey, I made the best choices based on what was available to me, and I learned a whole heck of a lot.

As I mentioned above, this was a pretty spontaneous vacation. I decided on a Friday that I was going to set out on the following Sunday to be to the family reunion by Tuesday. That meant I had all day Saturday to pack and get ready for the two-day drive. I spent almost four hours in the kitchen on Saturday making deviled eggs, pico, homemade guac, chicken salad, boiled eggs, and various on-plan snacks. I had a cooler of food and a bag of produce waiting to be used when I got to my destination so that I had stuff available to make compliant dinners (also I just spent money on a weeks worth of groceries. . . I was not about to let that go to waste!).

It started out great. Even Miss Toddler Pants did well in the car for the first leg of the trip. We stopped at our halfway point and ate my prepared lunch and gave her a chance to run around and get some wiggles out before setting out again. I felt super-confident and fast-food-free. It was great.

Then came leg #2. . . I met my sister-in-law in Denver on Sunday night. We packed up and set out Monday morning. It was us two adults, four little kiddos (two of which were 19 months old), and a crap ton of stuff all crammed into one SUV. It should have taken us about 10 hours to get from Denver to St. George. . . . it took us almost 14. That is a LONG day. We had so many delays and rough moments that by the time we pulled up to the house we were staying at, I nearly cried. If it's at all possible to get PTSD from a road trip with four kids, I definitely had it. It took every ounce of self control for me to not run out and grab a Snickers. I'm pretty sure I could have benefited from the mood-boosting effects that the commercials so prominently promise.

I'm usually excited to make my Whole30 meals, but while in St. George, sharing a house with multiple people, I felt terribly isolated. Making each meal was complicated and took twice as long as everyone else's food took. While others were enjoying hot dogs and frozen pizza, sandwiches and yogurt, I was making garlic shrimp over zucchini noodles with chimichuri sauce and chicken chowder. So great was the lonely feeling that eating what I made almost made me feel nauseated. I was angry and bitter. I had forgotten how long everything in my Whole30 menu took to prepare. I felt that I was missing out on so much family time because I was stuck in the kitchen.

What was happening? What about this had gone so terribly wrong that instead of enjoying the sacrifices, I was starting to get terribly frustrated by the whole program?

It took a few days, but I realized that the cause of my angst wasn't really the program. I was free to start incorporating things into my diet at any time. The problem was my attitude about my situation. There wasn't anyone there to applaud my choices or ooh and ahh over my cooking. It was just me. I was in this terribly-confusing limbo between giving into the vacation mentality of "no calories count" or stick to it and feel good about what I was putting in my body.

Once I made the decision, my week completely changed. I easily refused the cookies and Rice Crispy treats and homemade breads that I was offered. I found that I didn't mind being in the kitchen again chopping vegetables and preparing meals. I found that I could enjoy the company of other people rather than waste energy being all ticked off at nothing at all. I found that I still really enjoyed putting healthy things into my body even without the accolades that I had come to depend on.

I'm back home now and even more excited to continue this journey towards becoming my whole self. Being on vacation had proven to be the most challenging of the temptations I've faced, but above all else, it helped me to see that I can apply this to "real life" and come out the other side all the better for it. It's an empowering feeling.


A sample of what I ate:

Road trip food: "Protein Salad". Rotisserie chicken, homemade mayo, grapes, diced celery.

Road trip food: Deviled eggs

Farewell dinner: Garlic and thyme steaks. SO GOOD.

Tonight's dinner: Rosemary chicken meat balls on a bed of zucchini "noodles", topped with homemade pesto. Not gross, people. Not gross at all. 

Day 32: Onward and Upward

I am overwhelmed by the support and encouragement I've received from the readers of this blog. I'm humbled by those who have reached out with words of kindness and by those who just take time out of their busy days to read these posts every day. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This would have been so much more difficult without your support and positive thoughts. It was a truly an unexpected surprise to get the positive feedback that I did. I was even more surprised by suggestions that I keep blogging. I must be doing something right if you all aren't totally bored by now.

So, I'm moving forward with my Whole30 goals still in mind. I'm a little bit stunned at how much this program has changed the way I respond to food. I'm thrilled to discover that it's not just willpower that is helping me to refrain from things that I know are inflammatory; these little routines are starting to solidify into habits. I'm seeing even more clearly the wisdom in giving those foods up cold turkey. The first ten miserable days seem a small sacrifice in order to produce a lifetime of healthy habits.

Today went on as usual. There's something completely comfortable about that. I don't have to think much about what I'm doing anymore in terms of compliant ingredients. I can't tell you how amazing that feels. I'm aware of the danger that might cause; I certainly don't want to get lax about the rules going forward into the next 30 days, but I know I can rely on the same base ingredient lists without worrying too much about it.

I'm trying (again) to refocus on other healthy habits in my life. I'm going to focus on increasing exercise during this second W30. It's the next logical thing for me. The unfortunate part is that with summer bringing a groggy heat, I'm going to have to get creative.

Don't even mention yoga. This chick is not a fan of yoga.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Sauteed cabbage and sausage topped with poached eggs

Lunch: Leftover chicken breast over greens with a creamy balsamic vinaigrette

Dinner: Classic Chili

Day 31: The Results

I woke up about three times last night, anxious about Results Day. There's something really huge about making this kind of thing public. If it was just me, I could suffer my disappointment or joy in private; but I feel a hundred eyes on me as if to say, "prove to me that what you're doing is worth it. Make us believe that making these sacrifices hasn't been for nothing." In a way, I feel that if my progress hasn't been substantial, I'm letting down myself and my family as well as a hundred people on facebook. 

In the end, that really doesn't matter.

In the end, it really is just me; because in the end, I'm the only one it really affects.

At around 7:30 this morning I got up to face that scale and that tape measure. 

Suddenly, I felt bigger. I felt heavier. Suddenly, my clothes didn't actually fit any better. The swelling in my legs wasn't actually gone. All those improvements I had been noticing lately were just not there anymore. I took a deep breath. I recognized this as a kind of defense mechanism; if I didn't let myself believe that the Whole30 was working, I wouldn't be so disappointed if that number is the same as, or higher than, it was 37 days ago. I needed to take a step back and refocus. So before I stepped on the thing that was going to determine my success, I took another deep breath and wrote down every single non-scale victory (settle in; this is a HUGE list):

Less breakouts

Less rashes

Stronger nails

Stronger hair

Flatter stomach

Clothes fit better

Less bloating

Less joint swelling

Feeling more confident, physically

Less painful, stiff joints

Fewer and less severe PMS symptoms

A regular monthly cycle

Increased libido

Less stomach pain

Less gas

Better regularity

Zero seasonal allergies

Zero heartburn

Less chronic fatigue

Improved circulation

Less back pain

Faster recovery from illness

Happier

Optimistic

More patient with Baby E and others

Fewer mood swings

Fewer cravings for sugar and carbs

Feeling in control of food

Improved self-esteem

Less reliant on the scale

Improving memory

Higher productivity

Improved quality of sleep

Increased energy

No need for afternoon nap most days

No longer feel the need to snack

Fewer feelings of being "hangry"

No longer need caffeine to boost energy levels between meals

More consistent exercise

Better balance

Desire to be outside more

Healthier relationship with food

Better mindful eating

Better at reading food labels

Improved ability to listen to my body

No longer afraid of dietary fat

Increased ability to cook

Don't use food for comfort, reward, punishment, or stress management

No longer a slave to sugar and carbs

Can tell the difference between hunger and cravings

More variety in my diet

No more food side effects

No more food guilt or shame

No more bingeing

Better liftstyle habits to pass onto my family

Improved knowledge about nutrition

Started creating other health goals

Making this list helped me to understand that weight loss was only a small part of why I started this journey in the first place. I mean, just look at all those things that have improved because of my food choices! Those are things I never want to give up for cupcakes and breadsticks. 

Before I get to the actual results, let me torture you with a few more paragraphs of thought: 

Last night as I was unpacking my groceries, I caught a glimpse of a Larabar that I had purchased at Sprouts. Larabars are usually what I keep in my diaper bag in case of food emergencies; like if I get really hungry without access to compliant food or if I'm with friends who are eating treats, I'll reach for a Larabar instead of sneaking something they're eating. They're not meant to satisfy sugar cravings. Last night, though, I caught myself thinking, "I have worked so hard these last 6 weeks. I deserve a treat. . . "

So there are a few things wrong with this mentality, but what trumps it all is that part of the reason I started the Whole30 in the first place was to detach from rewarding myself with food. In that one thought I proved that I still have a ways to go. I've spent 34 years having an unhealthy relationship with food; it isn't going to vanish in 30 days.

So I'm going to continue until this is a Whole60. . . or maybe until this turns into the Whole90. I'm not really sure. I'll keep blogging, I'll keep cooking, I'll keep striving for healthier choices. Every 30 days I'll post my progress and when I feel ready, I'll start the Reintroduction Phase of the program. 

So back to that scale and what happened afterwards:

MY RESULTS

Beginning Weight: (A number. Not a small one.)

Ending Weight: (Another number. Not small, but definitely smaller than the first one.)

Weight lost: 15.6lbs. 

I've also lost 2.5 inches from my stomach, and nearly two inches from my hips and thighs.

I am SO PROUD of my progress. Even if I had lost NOTHING, I'd still be proud of what I've accomplished. If any one of you wants to get on this bandwagon with me, please do. I invite anyone anywhere who has read these posts and who wants to become healthier and happier to come with me. If you see something on that list above that you desire in your lives, this is seriously worth every. single. tough rule. I feel so incredibly free and it's only going to get better. This program claims to be life-changing, and I am proof positive of that.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with spinach and bacon

Lunch: Chicken BLT club "sandwich"

Dinner: Classic Chili

Round 2, Day 30: I MADE IT!!

It's my last day. PHEW!! (Before you get too excited, the results day isn't until tomorrow. Be patient, people). What an empowering feeling to be able to say that I completed this journey and stuck to the guidelines almost perfectly (I say "almost" because the program outlines include getting meat from reliable/non-cruelty/organic sources and that was hit or miss for me. But it's a "wobbly" rule, so I'm OK with it). I have to say that the first couple of weeks were so difficult, but after that, things got easier. I still almost want junk foods when I see them, but it's fleeting and easy to bypass. I have almost no cravings on a regular basis. There's an occasional fluke where I get a hankering for something, but it's generally short-lived and I feel perfectly OK without it. It's kind of awesome.

Today I sat down to plan meals for the next week. The Toddler was down for a nap, the binge-watching of "Chopped" had started; I was in my happy place. It dawned on me that since my Whole30 had come to an end, I could technically include some foods as outlined in the Reintroduction Phase of W30. Technically. It was a strange feeling knowing that I would be allowed to stray from the foods I had so carefully planned my life around for the past 6 weeks.

I had a meal planned for my last dinner on the Whole30, but it just wasn't meant to be. There was a tornado warning while we were on our way to Sprouts to get the remaining groceries for the week. Reluctantly, we turned around and spent some time watching the weather on my laptop from the basement. Once the sirens stopped and the tornado warnings were over, we packed up again and headed back to the store. It had been a rather exhausting day as it was; if there was ever a time I craved a pizza or instant food from the store, it was today. But I didn't work this hard for this long for nothing. We grabbed an unseasoned rotisserie chicken from Sprouts and once I got home, I roasted a sweet potato and topped it with leftover curry sauce from last night. My version of a quick meal. It was so much better than pizza.

I have such an odd excited/anxious feeling every time I think about results day tomorrow. It's a strange butterflies feeling. There is so much tangled up in the number on that scale. I'm thrilled to see that part of my results; I'm terrified that it won't be what I expect. Removing expectations is almost impossible in cases such as these. I almost can't wait until it's all over.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Leftover sweet potato/carrot/kale hash and chicken in curry sauce

Lunch: Celery and almond butter, fruit, hard boiled eggs

Dinner: Rotisserie chicken, sweet potatoes in curry sauce (we have a lot of that leftover)

Round 2, Day 29: Behold! The Bacon

Day 30 is tomorrow. That's a little surreal to think about right now. I lost track and stopped really counting around Day 20. This blog is the only reason I am reminded of what day I'm on. I'm getting more and more excited to announce my final results; but with that built-up excitement could come a heavy disappointment if things aren't what I hope they will be. The list of non-scale victories is long, and I have come to appreciate each one of them. That being said, my previous bad habit of weighing myself daily is a hard one to kick. I hadn't given it a second thought since the first week was over, but now that the final days on the program are here, I'm a little nervous.

Since I am feeling more comfortable with my steadily-improving healthy food habits, the next natural step is to work on other unhealthy habits in my life. The problem is there are SO MANY to choose from. . . I watch too much TV, my house isn't cleaned often enough, I'm on my phone too much, I have a hard time keeping in touch with people in my life. . . the list goes on. I've decided to pick just one and work on that one thing for the month of July. It's amazing how one healthy habit breeds a desire for more. This is going to bring my closer to becoming the best version of me.

In other news, I FOUND THE BACON. I have been on the lookout for W30-compliant bacon for almost a month now. I had heard that there wasn't any to be found except online. Imagine my surprise when, while browsing the meat section at Sprouts with my mother, we stumbled upon a completely sugar-free, nitrite-free bacon. So, first I have to be completely honest here and tell you that I am not really the biggest fan of bacon. I honestly didn't miss it much when I couldn't have it. Still, there were recipes that called for it and I missed the occasional bacon and eggs for breakfast, so I was pretty dang excited to make it for breakfast this morning. In a terrible twist of irony, we ran out of eggs yesterday. Boo. But I made the bacon anyway and improv'd my way through breakfast. It was delicious. I can't wait to get more and incorporate it into future meals. I may be a believer in bacon after all.

PS-In case you're curious, the brand is Pederson's. If you are on or are starting your own Whole 30, go and get some. It's incredible.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Carrot, sweet potato, and spinach hash topped with baaaaconnnn. Yummy.

Lunch: Um. . . miscellaneous? It was a confusing time in my day. . . 

Dinner: Baked chicken with curry sauce, salad with homemade balsamic vinaigrette

Round 2, Day 28: How I Survived the Fourth

Before I get to the fun festivities, I wanted to open up about some thoughts that have been brewing today.

Somewhere in the middle of the new recipes and the failed mayo and the fighting cravings and the "Kill All the Things" days, my attitude around food has changed. I wasn't absolutely ignorant of this shift, but I certainly didn't realize the extent of it until recent conversations with people regarding the W30 and its strict outline. I'm used to the comments like, "Oh, I could never do that", and "What's wrong with a little sugar now and then?" and "Live without _______ (cheese, bread, sugar, etc.)? No thanks." It's OK. I get it. I've said each of those and more. Trust me, I understand. Not everyone is ready for this thing, and it might not really be for everyone. It took me a while to wrap my brain around it and get prepared enough to start. I realize now, in retrospect, that these are the comments that proved that I really did have a problem surrounding food. I was completely ignorant of how much my life revolved around eating all the bad things in order to make myself feel better. Food still makes me happy, but in a much, much healthier way. It's a liberating feeling.

So here it is; Independence Day. The day we celebrate this nation's freedom. This celebration usually starts (or ends) with hot dogs, soda, and potato chips. And sometimes cake. Ohhhh the sugar comas that follow this day every year. So many holidays revolve around food, specifically of the junk variety. This one is very mild in terms of threatening carbohydrates and high fructose corn syrup. Still, temptations abound. It's good to have a battle plan.

My mom has been eating in a very similar manner to the Whole30 for almost 3 months now. This means not only have I had a bit of conditioning when searching for healthy recipes, but I have somewhat of a partner in this journey. This is good for so many reasons, but mostly because I have an ally during holidays like this one. Together, my mom and I assembled a menu that satisfied everyone's palate without breaking any W30 rules.

Seriously, people, this was the best July 4th dinner in history.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs over greens and a side of watermelon

Lunch: Egg salad (with homemade mayo and chives) in tomato boats

They were so cute and surprisingly delicious. I couldn't help but snap a picture.

Dinner: Burgers on portabella mushroom "buns" with homemade herb mayo, sweet potato fries, homemade garlic aoli for dipping

Burgers and fries. Look familiar? Well, That's because
you've seen it before and it's still amazing. Add those
aolis and I was in heaven.

No soda here. Just sparkling water with lemon and basil.
Refreshing without all the sugar. YUMMY.

Round 2, Day 27: I Made That Up

I have another awkward confession for you, Audience: I have a serious addiction to Food Network's show "Chopped". You know the one, right? Professional chefs compete against each other using very specific and sometimes odd ingredients from the Chopped infamous "basket". I'm a little obsessed with the idea of being able to get a group of edible items together and create something amazing. I haven't branched into that kind of cooking yet. I feel too intimidated to do so. So far my skills have been limited to the duplication of someone else's creativity. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally OK with that because they've been AMAZING so far, but I still aspire to have the talents necessary to put together meals and menus based on my own brain power. Thus far I have lacked sufficient courage to do so. 

Tonight I was presented with my first opportunity to try it out. 

I was at my parents' house this evening and was invited to cook again, but this time I didn't have a planned recipe nor the proper ingredients for one. I searched the kitchen for a protein on which to base our meal. There were four pork chops, but five adults to feed. Not only did I have to concoct some kind of edible dish, I had to figure out a way to make this meat stretch without adding in rice or pasta. I gathered ingredients I thought might taste good together, took a deep breath, and went to work. I have to admit that I was a little nervous but also really energized about it (like the food nerd I am). My end result wasn't half bad. It wasn't complex, but it was edible. Tasty, even. This isn't something I could have done a month ago with as much success. Much less be able to do it in a healthy way. 

That's another smiley-face sticker for my "Yay" chart. 

What I ate:

Breakfast: Leftover salmon over wilted greens, topped with hollandaise.

Lunch: Leftover Chicken Chowder

Dinner: Warm potato, apple, and kale slaw topped with cubed pork chop and a poached egg

Round 2, Day 26: Bravery and Hollandaise

One day closer to the end of my very first Whole30. I am planning my attack for the "reintroduction phase" after Day 30 is over. That phase is included in the program so that there isn't a sugar fest on Day 31. I have every desire to continue to make future food decisions based on knowledge and not emotions. I have learned an incredible amount in the last 32 days. I feel more prepared to tackle health claims spouted by the media, I'm more interested in the content of a meal and making sure it is complete and healthy, and I've become much more product savvy. I feel armed and ready to step outside of my W30 guidelines. I'm actually getting excited about it rather than being fearful as I had been before. Hopefully I'll be completely prepared in four days.

It's nearing the end of the month and our initial grocery budget has basically run out. It's been interesting to see what I can throw together for meals every day based on what little we have in our fridge. It takes creativity, that's for sure. There are few out there who would dispute that eating healthier is more expensive than eating processed foods, but in our house, it's been a little more than marginal. I'm actually surprised at this. And a little relieved. We don't go out to eat nearly as often as we had before, and that really helps. Since this new way of eating is something we plan on continuing as a family, we've had to make some financial adjustments. It is so worth it!

In other news, today I made hollandaise. HOLLANDAISE. Honestly, it's not that hard to make, it's just been an intimidating prospect for me until recently. It's been one of those things I admired other foodies for making and never thought I'd be successful. But lo and behold, I succeeded. It was so good, too. I feel so brave. Observe:

What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs over wilted greens with carrot fries

Lunch: Leftover chicken chowder

Dinner: Seared salmon over greens topped with a poached eggs and homemade hollandaise.

PS: Quick poll: Anyone want recipes of things I make?

Round 2, Days 24 & 25: Chicka Da Chowdah

I went to Book Club last night. I love you, friends, but Book Club beats out blog writing any day. And that's because my book club friends are wonderful and awesome and so freaking HILARIOUS. It was such a great night out. Much needed after several exhausting days. We did have healthy snacks there (Mom hosted so I helped to plan the refreshments. PHEW! Crisis averted) so that was good.

Here's our (poorly-lit) spread. Jicama and apples with sunshine sauce, Sweet potato fries with avocado lime aoli and homemade ranch  for dipping. No one was mad. Because it was delicious.

My clothes are starting to fit better. I think that's been happening for a while, but I've been too nervous to admit that maybe this thing is working in more ways than one. At first I thought that I just needed to do laundry because things were getting stretched out on me. Who knows at this point? I guess we'll see in 5 days. . . Either way, there are so many positive changes I've noticed in myself that have made this program worth sticking to. I've stuck to this thing TO THE LETTER for 25 days now. It feels great to have accomplished that. I'll save the list of (sometimes weird) improvements from this W30 experience for Day 31. Trust me, it's long.

I was a lone wolf for dinner tonight since the spouse had to work late. Luckily for me, my mom decided to invite me over to cook. Yes, please! I made a big pot of Chicken Chowder. HOLY. MOSES. It did not suck. I don't even think anyone minded that we were eating hot chowder in July. The flavors were incredible. I can't wait to make that one again. It was also really good to get out and cook for other people. If you've been following along with me for the past 4 weeks, this won't come as a surprise to you. I'm seriously considering cooking for other people for a living. I get such a kick out of it. Anyone out there want to pay me to come cook for you? Cuz I will totally do it. I'm shocked at how much I still enjoy being in the kitchen. It's the most peaceful part of my day (most of the time) and I'm thankful for my husband who takes Baby E for walks at night just so I can cook dinner. 

Short and sweet blog tonight. 

You're welcome. 

What I ate:

Breakfast: Fried eggs over greens and roasted carrots (SO easy and so delicious. The perfect breakfast "fries")

Lunch: Hard boiled eggs and celery with almond butter and raisins. (I didn't call it "ants on a log" because I want to feel older than 4.)

Dinner: Chicken Chowder

Round 2, Day 23: Is This Thing On?

I have to admit that this late in the game, I feel repetitive in my blog woes. And it shows with a lack of readership. Not that I'm looking for a million people to read my online babblings, but there comes a point where I really feel like I'm just talking to myself about the same things...

Anyway, today was a rush of meals. I was on the go most of the day and that made things complicated as far as meals are concerned. Fortunately, I have a few prepared foods in my fridge that I can grab in a hurry. Leftovers are my friend. Sometimes my best friend that saves me from drive-thru temptations. Whenever I cook anything, I put the leftovers in single-serving containers. This means I go through A LOT of containers, but it saves so much time later on. I also keep a half dozen hard boiled eggs in the fridge at all times. Those things really come in handy when I'm rushing out the door.

I do a ridiculous amount of dishes. I'm going through Dawn like crazy with all the pans I wash on a daily basis. At the risk of offending the feminists out there, I have to admit that maintaining a clean kitchen makes me feel all sorts of domestic and helpful. I spend a lot of time in that kitchen; I might as well keep it a pleasant work space, right?

It's been a tough couple of days with my toddler. She's teething and her good sleeping streak has officially ended. That makes for some sleepless nights for this momma. Motivation and patience are waning lately, but sticking to this plan is more important than my sleep deprivation-based food cravings. And, as with most habits I have forfeited over the past 4 weeks, they are getting easier to work through. One of the best weapons I have to fight food cravings is physical activity (how predictable is that, right?). It is so tempting to do the minimal daily requirements after a night of no sleep, but a light walk or a trip to the park helps to fight exhaustion-induced junk food cravings like you wouldn't believe. That and watching less TV. Go figure.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Hard boiled eggs and cantaloupe

Lunch: Leftover Cold Thai salad

Dinner: Rotisserie chicken and carrots

Round 2, Day 22: One Week Left

I have just over a week left of my Whole30. I'm getting more comfortable with this idea as my last day approaches. I'm getting a battle plan together and it helps me to feel confident moving forward. Sugar will be the last thing I add back into my diet, if I decide to do it at all. I have learned so much about the negative effects of added sugar that I'm not anxious to dive back into that pool. 

I was discussing the impending end with Jonny today. Of all the support and love that I've gotten, his has been the most constant and sincere. He has been around during the roughest parts of this program and still pointed out all the good that has come of it. If you want to start this program, having a supportive partner is right up there with preparation in terms of importance. I could not have gotten this far without his calming voice during the tornado of emotions that have dotted the last 22 (+) days. 

Today has been relatively uneventful, and that's kind of awesome. It was another night of very little sleep, so I struggled in the motivation department this morning. I'm fortunate enough to have an opportunity to nap most days. I don't always take it, but today I couldn't resist. And I needed it. Sleep is important, people. It's more important than catching up on dishes or vacuuming the living room or chatting on facebook. Sleep is your partner in health. Respect that relationship. I've recognized that making good health decisions is made a hundred times easier after having had enough sleep. I often receive friendly mockery from my friends as I retire to bed earlier than anyone's grandmother. But I know my child, and I know her sleep habits. I do what I need to in order to get an adequate amount of shut-eye. It's worth it to me. 

And I know they still love me.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Egg salad over mixed greens

Lunch: Cold Thai Salad with Sunshine Sauce

Dinner: Pot Roast and veggies (I'm so thankful for friends that have us for dinner and still respect these food boundaries of mine.)

Round 2, Day 21: Hanger Pains

I've heard it said a thousand times: "It takes 21 days to establish a new habit." So by today, this whole new life of mine should be habitual.

Well, not exactly. Turns out recent studies have shown that it actually takes 66 days to form a habit; 8 months if it's a complicated habit (pretty sure this reformed diet counts as a complicated habit). This explains my confusion and frustration that I still crave sweets and my favorite junk foods occasionally. I'm told this is actually very normal at this point. Quitting something cold-turkey creates this last-ditch effort by the brain to resort to old habits. Fortunately for me, reading up on the W30 website has me all sorts of prepared for this. I might grumble when I do it, but I'm getting pretty good at turning down stuff that I would normally eat.

The other thing I've learned about establishing  new habits is that there are three major checkpoints along the way: 30 days, 90 days, and 365 days. So in theory, if I can get through those checkpoints, by this time next year these healthy habits will be cemented. With every checkpoint, I'm getting closer to becoming my best self, and that is something to look forward to.

I skipped lunch today. Truthfully, I slept through lunch today. Baby E was up for a couple of hours last night and still woke up fairly early (toddler logic confuses me). By the time lunchtime came around, I preferred sleep to food (another first for me) while my tired toddler slept. When I woke up to her baby babblings, it was just after 4pm; far too late for lunch. I grabbed a Lara bar to get me through until dinner and left the house to run some errands.

BIG mistake.

Suddenly my plan for salmon tonight seemed unappetizing in comparison to the smells and sights of prepared dinners and baked goods as I wandered the aisles of Costco. My determination to make it to Day 30 kept my gaze straight ahead through the store and into the check out lanes. I was getting hangry; something I hadn't felt in a long time.

Fear not, Friends; dinner was made and it was delicious. I was back to normal in no time. No more skipping meals for me.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with leftover chicken and potatoes. I feel that I should mention here that I find the combination of eggs and chicken in the same recipe really. . . awkward. It's probably all in my head, but I'll likely not do that again.

Lunch: Well. . . you know. . .

Dinner: Roasted salmon in a tomato mayo sauce and sauteed fingerling potatoes.

Sorry for my lack of pictures. Like I said, by dinner I was hangry. Photography was the last thing on my mind. HA!

Round 2, Day 20: A Brain Spill

I'm officially a third of the way through this program. I'm really excited about this, but in a different way than I thought. I'm surprised (kinda) that I'm not really looking forward to adding in the foods that I've been doing without for a month now. I feel so great overall that I'm timid about disrupting that harmony. Right now I'm just pleased that I've made it this far and have grown in ways I didn't foresee; I'll handle the end of the W30 when it ends in 10 days.

I want to share some thoughts that have been swirling in my mind for a while. It began when I read the following in a Whole30 daily email:

"For most people, body image and body satisfaction are irrevocably linked to self-esteem, self-worth, and depression. Poor body image leads us to distrust our own bodies. In contrast, by completing the Whole30, you are finally learning to listen to your body. To trust your body. To change your relationship with food. Now, it’s time to think about changing your relationship with yourself."

I must have read that statement about 16 times. This one statement encompasses my core motivation for beginning this process in the first place. I am so much more of a numbers person than I ever thought I would be. My motivation for "getting healthier" has always been about how much weight I need to lose, hidden beneath the guise of improving my lifestyle. Every time I've tried to move toward this skewed version of healthy, I quit if the numbers aren't matching my expectations and revert back to old habits. Some of the processes I've used to lose weight have been anything but healthy. I don't think this is unique to me. In conversations with many of my girlfriends, I've realized that most of us think of health in terms of size. Do we all realize "skinny" is not the same as "healthy"? The media is doing a terrible disservice to the women (and men) of this country by creating this awful illusion. We have been conditioned to believe this as a solid truth. This illusion is so ingrained in us that fitting into these particular parameters (such as weight and dress size) is almost second nature. There are some alarming statistics regarding this topic. It is damaging. It is terrifying.

It's time to set goals of being truly healthy, strong, and happy instead of setting our sights on a particular number on a scale or on the tag of a dress. For me, this means figuring out what the habits are of the best version of myself and then live so that I will become that version.

I picture the best version of myself as someone who is active and motivated; someone who wakes up refreshed and ready for the day; someone who doesn't have brain fog at 2pm and needs a nap. My best self is conscious of what she puts in her mouth and what she feeds her family. She listens to her body and is confident. She consumes sugar minimally and carefully. She is healthy, she sleeps well, she is optimistic. She is happy. And she's a great cook.

As I think of attaining these goals rather than physical ones, I feel a refreshing sense of optimism. I can already see some of these things coming into fruition. Most days, I wake up much more bright-eyed than I used to, my energy levels are steady, and brain fog is a thing of the past. With these goals in mind, I am far less freaked out about ending this program in 10 days. I will still measure and weigh, but much less often than I used to because those things are not what my journey is about.

As a side note: BRINE YOUR CHICKEN PEOPLE. This is the step that I used to skip but will no longer. No matter how you're cooking it, if you are making chicken, brine it. No more dry, flavorless chicken! TA DA!!


What I ate:

Breakfast: Leftover roasted potatoes topped with poached eggs

Lunch: Salad greens with remaining leftover Mexican tuna boat filling, eggs, grapes, green onion, and homemade ranch dressing

Dinner: Seared chicken breast and a sauteed sweet potato with wilted kale. I was flying solo for dinner so I made something simple and basic.

Round 2, Day 18: (Insert Catchy Title Here)

I've added more starchy vegetables and examined my meals against the meal template on the W30 website and made appropriate adjustments. I must admit that I'm feeling so much better. Energy levels are up, cravings are down. All good things.

I went to Theater in the Park last night (hence the late post today) with some good friends of mine. They brought candy. I didn't care. I brought water and no snacks and I was totally fine NOT eating. Imagine that! I didn't have to eat to be happy last night. Slowly my life is ceasing to revolve around binge-eating and "junk food days" to revolving around relationships with friends and memories with my family. I'm still obsessed with (ummm....passionate about?) food, but it is a much healthier relationship than before. I get really dancing-in-the-kitchen excited when a recipe I've just made is friggin' delicious. I love learning new techniques and working with new foods. I love when I cook for people and they appreciate the food that I created. It's hard work sometimes, but oh-so-worth it. And if other people think it tastes good, then I know I'm not going crazy because I haven't eaten processed things in over a month now.

Last night a friend of mine asked if I snacked at all between meals. The answer is no, I don't, unless I am legitimately hungry. And if I am legitimately hungry, that usually means I hadn't eaten enough or the right combination of things during the previous meal. For some reason we as a society have been lead to believe that eating 5 small meals a day is healthier, and snacking is good if it's the right stuff. While this might be true for diabetics and others who need to maintain a certain blood sugar level throughout the day (although there's debate out there about that as well, but I'm no expert on that topic. . . ), for most of us average Americans, snacking between meals (or eating more than three complete meals a day) is unnecessary. The body needs to be able to burn off stored fat and it can't do that if we are giving it sugars and simple carbs to burn off instead. As I have moved through this program, I have slowly taught my body to use food as fuel much more efficiently. Therefore, snacks are superfluous. I honestly haven't even thought about eating between meals in several days now. I can remember times where I would eat all morning long, mostly out of boredom. Breaking free of that habit is worth giving up the sweet treats I used to indulge in in the name of "snacks".

What I ate:

Breakfast: Egg and Hamburger Scramble (So....leftovers from last night scrambled all together)

Lunch: I'm drawing a blank here; I honestly don't have any idea what I ate for lunch yesterday. . .

Dinner: Root Vegetable and Chicken Curry (OH MY GOSH. THISWASSOGOOD!!!!)

Round 2, Day 17: Burger and Fries

I'm sitting here with my fancy pants drink (sparkling water, muddled strawberries, lime juice), watching cooking shows for recipe ideas (Food Network is like freaking crack, people), and all I can do is smile because I'm really pretty happy with my life. I haven't felt that in a long time. Not that I've been completely unhappy and now suddenly I haven't a care in the world. I still have rough days, but I feel like I've been a little lost, and now I'm slowly figuring out a direction and I really love it. 

I love to cook. LOVE. IT. I'm not sure if this is a natural result of sticking to the program for this long or if it's something that has been brought out of me because of it. In either case, it makes meal planning something I really look forward to. I do it a week at a time so I don't go too crazy. Having a daily meal plan has been incredibly helpful. Every night I know exactly what we're having for dinner and I know it's something nutritious because I've taken the time to really plan it out. Then I can look at what proteins I need to pull out of the freezer for the next night. It's an organizational step that I couldn't possibly do without. 

So meal planning: Yay! Grocery shopping: Mehhhhhhh. Sometimes I don't mind it at all; in fact I really enjoy it. Other days, especially when I'm at bigger chain stores like Hy-Vee or Hen House, I just notice all the things I want to eat but can't and I get pretty ticked about it (my usual go-to store is Sprouts. It makes me happy and there are far fewer temptations there). I'm really hoping my food envy will improve as I near the end of this program. I can tell it is getting better, but my concerns still linger that once I'm done, I'll go back to old habits and this will all have been for nothing. . . 

But as my dear husband reminds me constantly, there are so many things I have already learned in such a short amount of time; I have improved my ability to compose well-rounded meals, I'm becoming a better cook, my passion for nutrition that has been dormant since my days as a Taco Bell-craving pregnant woman has been brought out again, my energy levels are steady now, etc., etc., etc. Sometimes my Whole30 myopia takes control and I can only see the expectations not being met. Thank goodness for friends and family who see the improvements and can remind me that this has done nothing but good things for me so far. I really can't wait to see what the next two weeks will bring.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs over greens and leftover Mexican Boat filling

Lunch: Sunshine Sauce with apples and celery, cantaloupe (we have A LOT of cantaloupe. I'm not mad about it), and a small salad.

Dinner: "Hamburger and Fries": Hamburger patty, roasted portobello mushroom cap "bun" topped with roasted red pepper aoli, and roasted carrots

I've been craving a burger and fries for a while. This dish had more
flavor without the bloat and swelling that I normally get from Five Guys
and the like. Oh. My. Heaven. This was SO GOOD. I'm not sure if it's
because I haven't had the real thing in a while, but even my husband and
daughter found this appetizing. That's saying something. So, the recipe is below.
You're welcome.

Portobello Mushroom Burger and Roasted Carrots (Thanks to W30 book for the inspiration)

Serves 3

Ingredients:

1lb ground beef

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp mustard powder

1/2 tsp garlic powder

Six portobello mushroom caps

1 clove garlic, minced

5 T cooking fat (olive oil, ghee, etc.), divided

4 medium carrots, cut into 2 inch pieces

Salt and pepper to taste

Directions: 

1. Preheat oven to 400

2. Combine beef, salt, pepper, mustard powder, and garlic powder in a medium bowl until just combined. Form into three patties. Press thumb into the center of the patties to make a dent about half the thickness of the patty to ensure even cooking. Put patties into the freezer while preparing the vegetables. 

3. Clean mushroom caps, line baking sheet with aluminum foil and place them upside down. Drizzle with 3T cooking fat, garlic, salt, and pepper. Set aside

4. Toss carrots in salt, pepper, and 2 T cooking fat. Place them onto a parchment-lined baking sheet. Be sure not to crowd them or they'll steam instead of roast.

5. Roast mushroom caps and carrots in oven for 10 minutes. Remove and flip them over. Return to oven for an additional 10 minutes until they are fork tender.

6. During the second 10 minutes, remove hamburger patties from freezer. Using a grill pan or skillet, sear patties on high for 4 minutes each side. Transfer to oven safe cooking dish or baking sheet.

7. Turn oven down to 350, remove veggies, cook hamburger patties for an additional 4-5 minutes or until cooked to desired temperature.

8. Place burger patty between two portobello caps, dressing as desired with tomato, lettuce, etc. 

You might need a knife and fork for this. . .  or a lot of napkins.

Round 2, Days 14 & 15 aaaaand 16: That Time We Went to Tea Drops

Well, I'm officially halfway through. YAY!! This is both exciting and terrifying. I haven't yet figured out how to resolve those fears of failure after being set free, but I also know that I don't need to worry about it quite yet. There are other concerns that are taking priority at the moment.

I've had some issues with lower leg swelling again, the junk food cravings haven't gotten easier, and my energy levels still haven't returned to normal. It is really disheartening. But instead of giving up, I took to the W30 website and solicited some advice from the people on the forums who've gone through this already. Turns out my diet is probably lacking in starchy vegetables. Who knew? Thank goodness for people who've done this before.

Despite the return of junk food cravings, there has been an obvious shift in my relationship with food. Especially when going out with friends, which has been a lot lately since so many friends have been visiting in the last few weeks.

Recently, my sister and my sister-in-law and I went to Tea Drops in Westport for a bubble tea (despite my conviction that sugar isn't something to promote, Tea Drops is AMAZING. Go there).  Bubble Tea, of course, is not even close to W30 compliant. I had an iced herbal tea which was. . . NOT a bubble tea. Not. even. close. But still, I had fun with my sisters, and we made some pretty good memories. Besides, I know when I look back on these times, I know I'm not even going to miss the food.

I'm not going to pretend like the last few days have been easy. Not even close. I feel like I've had a total relapse and I don't know why. I had it in my head that it would be easy sailing after that really tough first week. Not so. My best resource has been the online forums. I would seriously advise anyone starting the Whole30 to connect online.

So onto the fun stuff:


What I ate (I won't bore you with three days worth of meals, so here are the highlights):

Poached eggs and a side of cantaloupe. I used to HATE cantaloupe. . . not anymore!

Sunshine sauce (a sort of hummus substitute) and fruits and veggies.
This sauce is going to be a staple in my house. It's a MUST.

                                                   

                                                                            Mexican Tuna Boats and Cauliflower mash.
                                                                 This was the first recipe that I felt was a little blah.
                                                                     It's definitely a lunch recipe or something I
                                                             might heat up in the future. That mash, though?
                                                                EW. I added garlic and that was a HUGE misstep.
                                                                  There was so much garlic it hurt my tongue. Gross.
                                                                        I didn't think "too much garlic" was a thing. . .

    

                                    

                                                   Father's Day Feast: Pork chops with raw "sour
                                                  cream" sauce, Salad with raw ranch dressing and a
                                                                    fig/balsamic dressing, Sweet potato mash. I can't tell you
                                                                  people how incredible this was.

Round 2, Day 13: Potlucks and Pork Chops

Sometimes I forget that even though I'm eating so much better than I was before, I'm still going to have days that just. . . suck. Today was one of those days. The lack of sleep was catching up to me, and the junk food that surrounded me this morning was more tempting than I had expected. Shouldn't this be over by now? Shouldn't cookies and processed snack foods not even phase me by now?

Well, obviously the answer is "no". Two weeks isn't going to erase 34 years of sugar addiction. In this world of instant results, this process seems painfully slow. However, it's something that is so much more beneficial long-term. I have to keep that in mind every time I make a choice not to eat things I shouldn't.

I've gotten several texts and emails from people who are interested in starting the Whole30 program themselves. It's rewarding for me to see other people become interested in what I'm doing. It means that I'm not so crazy afterall, right? I started this blog in order to keep me from losing momentum and to help with my accountability. I'm thrilled that I have caused even one person to become interested in starting this program for themselves. I haven't regretted it a single day. 

It's around this time in the program that finding a W30 group is suggested. Things are becoming routine; leftovers are starting to get boring; but finding a group of people who are fighting the same battle is a good way to become re-energized. I love the ideas suggested in the W30 forums regarding W30 group gatherings; pot lucks where everyone takes home leftovers, dinners where everyone takes turns hosting, etc. Having a team is a great way to get support and gather ideas and commiserate on the hard days. 

So, hey, if you want to take on this challenge, I'll host the first pot luck. 

What I ate:

Breakfast: Kitchen sink scrambled eggs with onions, tomatoes, and avocado

Lunch: Leftover spaghetti squash

Dinner: Pork Chops with Spiced Apple Sauce and a side of cauliflower mash

Round 2, Day 12: Try and Act Surprised

I am a stress junkie, and I have a problem.

Now that I don't have food to "solve" my problems psychologically, I've noticed how often and how easily I stress myself out. I am a perfectionist, even when it doesn't matter. My need for "multi-tasking" consistently challenges my ability to listen as others are speaking. I lose it over the slightest derailing of my carefully-planned day. I am often inflexible when I have an idea in my head and others come along and try to change it. Granted, this isn't every minute of every day, but these things happen often enough that I feel the need to find a solution.

Case in point:

Last night was rough in the Miller household. Little Baby E decided to have a party from 3am to 6am. Thus, not a lot of sleep for already-tired parents. I was groggy making breakfast, irritated that I didn't have much to work with (another grocery shopping trip is in my future, but there are odds and ends still to use up before then. We are on a budget, you know. That means it's slim pickings in our house). I complained to my husband as I was packing the diaper bag. I don't even remember what it was about; I just needed SOMETHING to be wrong to justify this bad attitude. By the time we were out the door to take a walk with my sister, Andrea, I was one crabby chica. That's putting it mildly, really. The very idea of walking out in the sweltering heat added fuel to the raging fire that was my attitude on this Thursday morning.

I was a pouty, sobbing, baby. I might as well have sat crossed-legged on the floor, arms folded, face in a permanent scowl. I was beyond approachable. If anything came into my little crabby circle, they were going to hear about how awful my life was this morning. And taking a walk was NOT going to help.

I thank the Lord everyday for understanding friends who see through the grouchy (thanks, Danny), and a sister who pushed for the walk anyway, insisting I would feel better afterwards.

It was rough. Halfway through, I wasn't sure I was going to make it. It was SO HOT. By the end of the two-mile loop (no judging, you marathon runners. This was tough for me), I was a sopping wet mess of sweat, but I felt so. much. better. Although I was still tired, I felt far less like sobbing and/or screaming at everyone. Exercise is cathartic. It's something this stress junkie needs in her life.

I am going to make a goal to help cut down on my self-induced stress as I move forward in this program; I'm going to laugh out loud more, identify my triggers and try to avoid them if possible, listen to uplifting music, breathe before I react, be more kind, and take more walks.

I almost feel better already.


What I ate:

Breakfast: Poached egg over leftover chicken hash with a side of strawberries

Lunch: Lara bar (don't ask. I was still crabby and needed a nap)

Dinner: Spaghetti squash with homemade tomato meat sauce.

Round 2, Days 10 & 11: Cake and a Restaurant; The Double Whammy

Yesterday marked Day 10, which means I'm 1/3 of the way through the program! I'm honestly surprised I've made it this far. 

My sister's birthday was also yesterday. We had a small family gathering that I knew would involve cake and a traditional (non-compliant) Andrea's Favorite Birthday Meal. Making adjustments to the recipe for dinner was the easy part, and everyone seemed very accommodating, which I am always to grateful for. However, the idea of sitting around watching everyone eat cake, pretending like I don't mind at all, made me a little bit crabby. Normally on the Whole30, desserts--even substitute desserts with approved ingredients--are discouraged. It's really against the rules altogether. So I made a fruit salad to eat while everyone else ate cake. I was surprised at how truly easy it was to refuse and be OK eating my little salad instead. 

I'm far less irritable around other people's food choices since starting the program. I used to feel jealous and even resentful when people ate things I couldn't eat. I can honestly say that my perspective has absolutely shifted. I no longer see myself in this food prison; I see it as making better choices for myself and for my family. If that means I refrain from eating things I know aren't good for me, then I recognize that as my own decision, not anyone else's. In that sense, my feelings of control over my own life have a really stabilizing effect.

Case in point: Tonight I went out with some really close girlfriends I've known for years. The restaurant of choice: Jose Peppers. That's right, we were going to a "Tex/Mex" eatery. Nothing about that spoke "healthy and W30 compliant." I perused the online menu and picked out a few options I thought were easy enough to be altered and that would satisfy my palate. I chose the steak fajitas, no cheese, no tortillas, no sour cream, fruit instead of beans and rice, and instead of guacamole (because they put cottage cheese in their quac... WHAT? Good thing I asked), I opted for an avocado and pico de gallo. Our server had to come back with a written list of ingredients twice. Poor guy. He was such an amazing sport about it, too. My friends were really accommodating and I didn't feel at all like I was any kind of embarrassment (well...mostly. right Lis? JK. I love you!) Once the ordering was all done, I could relax. I felt so much more in tune with the conversation and the company. It was a refreshing change from my usual focus on chips and queso. Lisa, April, Chelsea, Audrey, you girls are magic. Thank you for letting me be me tonight. The food was delicious, the company was wonderful, and I didn't leave with cheese gut. It was well worth all the questions and the hassle.

Making food, preparing menus, and all the work that goes into sticking to this program has almost become second nature now. This is almost a dangerous thing. Being too comfortable can lead to justification of things that would normally be on the border of W30 rather than well within the rules. In order to combat this mindset, I've been reading through the W30 book again to reacquaint myself with the rules. I'm as good at justifying rule-bending as anyone, but this is about breaking bad habits, so I'm determined to make sure I stay true to the program. 

Speaking of breaking bad habits, my scale addiction is also fading, which is nice. I'm much more focused on how I feel vs. the numbers. As much as I'm looking forward to Day 30, I'm also terrified of it. It's a little weird. There's security in so many hard and fast boundaries and rules. Setting me "free" into the world without so many lines drawn is scary to think about. But I have 20 more days to figure that out. The fear that is plaguing me a bit now revolves more on a lack of results. What if I get to the end of this and I haven't lost a single pound or a solitary inch off of me? I think this is becoming more of a fear lately because the positive effects of eating healthier are becoming more routine. The "new" feeling has been fading a bit as this becomes more routine than special project. 

Since I have two days in once post (again), here are some highlighted meals:

Here is my fruit salad I ate along side the cake-eaters.
Blueberries, strawberries, jicama, and basil. So
fresh and really vibrant. YUM.

Leftovers lunch. Leftover stuffed pepper filling sauteed
with cabbage, leftover cauli mash with CARAMELIZED
onions this time instead of the burned stuff, ruby red
grapefruit. The mash/onions combo is my new favorite thing.

 

Round 2, Day 9: At Least There Wasn't Fire

First, a disclaimer: If you feel at all uncomfortable with anyone sharing personal "girly" details, you should probably just skip this one. I'll see ya tomorrow. No hard feelings.

Two days ago, George came to visit. . .  I caught the Girl Flu. . .  It's Leak Week. . . I'm riding the cotton pony. . . Aunt Erma is here. . . You get the drift.

The reason I feel the need to mention this is because there is a dramatic change in how I'm responding to this monthly drama vs. last time. The crabby food cravings are definitely present, but far less obnoxious. They were easy to get a hold of, actually. Best of all, my moodiness is far easier to control this time around. I'm usually a mess of tears or rage, sometimes both simultaneously (my poor spouse). I'm honestly not sure if it's my improved diet or the feeling of organization I have felt lately that made the crying easier to avoid and the yelling easier to breath through. I wasn't really expecting these kind of improvements, so I wanted to document it for future reference. I'm not saying it's been a walk in the park, but I feel an overall sense of control over my emotions. It's a pleasant surprise. I'm not sure I could have dealt with the moodies AND a serious lack of chocolate.

I went on a walk with my sister today. Not only was it good company and fun conversation, but it felt great to get a little bit of a workout in. Gym attendance is difficult with a toddler going through an attachment phase, so I'm going to set up the Xbox tomorrow to get an aerobic exercise in at least three days this week. Just so everyone knows. . .

I babysat all day today, from 8am to 6pm. When I got home, it was a rush to get dinner done. I was EXHAUSTED and my bright, shiny toddler was fading fast. I had to work quickly among the chaos. My caramelized onions got the brunt of my lack of focus. I don't really mind a charred pile of shallots, but it's not something most people (including my husband and daughter) wish to consume. I didn't cry; I didn't throw away my pan; I didn't even get mad about it. Instead I determined I'd try to make this recipe again soon just so I can fix that grievous error.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with a side of strawberries. This was definitely not enough. Usually I have veggies or another protein with the eggs, but my lack of preparation made this difficult this morning. Lesson learned.

Lunch: Leftover Stuffed Bell Peppers

Dinner: Banger Sausage Patties, Cauliflower Mash, and caramelized (um...mostly burned) onions.

For the recipe, follow this link. I think next time I'll sear the patties first and omit the lemon. (Oh, and not leave the onions unattended). Otherwise, I really loved this.

Round 2, Day 8: A Message to the Perpetual Scale-Stepper

I went to my parent's house to make dinner tonight. An opened bag of potato chips watched me the whole freaking time. Snacking while I make dinner used to be a normal thing for me. I'm not usually hungry when I do it. Even if it's a healthy snack, like carrot sticks, it's mostly mindless eating, so it is a habit I'd like to break. I've been trying to use any waiting times (letting something simmer, oven cooking times, etc.) to do something more productive like cleaning up the kitchen from my inevitable dinner-making messes. It's been helping with the mindless eating while I cook and helping make the end-of-meal clean up not nearly as tedious. 

Part of the Whole30 plan is to stay away from scales and tape measures for the entire 30 days. The reasons behind this are something I whole-heartedly agree with (if you are a habitual weigher, read this explanation. It's amazing). No one's worth or health should be determined by a number. I can't tell you how freeing it has been to not even think about stepping on a scale. Back a few weeks ago when I was counting calories, I was more than a little scale-obsessed. Sometimes I would weigh myself a few times a day just to see if there was any change. My entire day would be determined by the number on that piece of metal and plastic. It's the worst kind of prison. 

I totally get it; the curiosity to see results is sometimes overwhelming. I asked my husband to hide the scale (along with all the junkfood we had in our house), which he so kindly did for me. I really don't have an option to find out my weight right now and see if I've made any progress, but I'm absolutely OK with that. Without the scale to measure my "progress", I've become much more aware of how my efforts are making me feel, and that's wonderful. I've noticed that I'm sleeping better (especially on the nights when Little Miss Toddler sleeps for longer stretches), I have more energy, my skin is clearing up, and I have less and less of a desire to eat things that take away from this feeling and from my hard work. That is so much more motivational than stressing over a 1lb gain.

What I ate:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with onion, spinach and bell pepper with a side of chicken apple breakfast sausages

Lunch: Strawberries and a LARA bar on the go; we were late to church. . . 

Dinner: Melissa's Chicken Hash, because I just had to make that for my family!