Now that I don't have food to "solve" my problems psychologically, I've noticed how often and how easily I stress myself out. I am a perfectionist, even when it doesn't matter. My need for "multi-tasking" consistently challenges my ability to listen as others are speaking. I lose it over the slightest derailing of my carefully-planned day. I am often inflexible when I have an idea in my head and others come along and try to change it. Granted, this isn't every minute of every day, but these things happen often enough that I feel the need to find a solution.
Case in point:
Last night was rough in the Miller household. Little Baby E decided to have a party from 3am to 6am. Thus, not a lot of sleep for already-tired parents. I was groggy making breakfast, irritated that I didn't have much to work with (another grocery shopping trip is in my future, but there are odds and ends still to use up before then. We are on a budget, you know. That means it's slim pickings in our house). I complained to my husband as I was packing the diaper bag. I don't even remember what it was about; I just needed SOMETHING to be wrong to justify this bad attitude. By the time we were out the door to take a walk with my sister, Andrea, I was one crabby chica. That's putting it mildly, really. The very idea of walking out in the sweltering heat added fuel to the raging fire that was my attitude on this Thursday morning.
I was a pouty, sobbing, baby. I might as well have sat crossed-legged on the floor, arms folded, face in a permanent scowl. I was beyond approachable. If anything came into my little crabby circle, they were going to hear about how awful my life was this morning. And taking a walk was NOT going to help.
I thank the Lord everyday for understanding friends who see through the grouchy (thanks, Danny), and a sister who pushed for the walk anyway, insisting I would feel better afterwards.
It was rough. Halfway through, I wasn't sure I was going to make it. It was SO HOT. By the end of the two-mile loop (no judging, you marathon runners. This was tough for me), I was a sopping wet mess of sweat, but I felt so. much. better. Although I was still tired, I felt far less like sobbing and/or screaming at everyone. Exercise is cathartic. It's something this stress junkie needs in her life.
I am going to make a goal to help cut down on my self-induced stress as I move forward in this program; I'm going to laugh out loud more, identify my triggers and try to avoid them if possible, listen to uplifting music, breathe before I react, be more kind, and take more walks.
I almost feel better already.
What I ate:
Breakfast: Poached egg over leftover chicken hash with a side of strawberries
Lunch: Lara bar (don't ask. I was still crabby and needed a nap)
Dinner: Spaghetti squash with homemade tomato meat sauce.
The spaghetti looks like it has a bow haha just saying. It's good that you recognize the attitude adjustment. That's a tough one. I feel like being cranky is part of the detox and the dependence on food. But I'm no expert. Just an observation. Keep going! You can do it!
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